The Enemy Within: How to Overcome Self-Limiting Beliefs
WARNING: This post will require reflection and vulnerability.
“I’m not ready”, “I don’t have enough experience”, and “I’m not good enough” are examples of self-limiting beliefs that are toxic. Self-limiting beliefs prevent us from achieving success in our careers and lives. But what are self-limiting beliefs? Simply, they are negative self-perceptions that live in our conscious and subconscious rooted in past experiences, comments by others, values and beliefs of our family and friends, and even messages from the media (or social media).
As I discussed in “Principle #12: Own and Challenge Limiting Beliefs” of The Savage Leader, left unchecked, self-limiting beliefs can lead to doubt. Doubt in our ability to gun for a new promotion, to start a new business, or to take any step that is outside of our personal perception of what is possible for each of us.
I had a nagging self-limiting belief that I couldn’t write – a belief that railroaded me from taking the next step in my life and career. That belief stemmed from relative struggles in college English courses to analyze literature such as Franz Khafka’s “The Metamorphosis.” For a long time, this belief held me back from writing. Over time, I identified the source of the belief and it had nothing to do with my ability to write. Rather, it was based on my ability at the time to see the deeper meaning in complex literature. Shedding this belief allowed me to write more frequently and eventually to publish my first book The Savage Leader: 13 Principles to Become a Better Leader from the Inside Out.
If you have beliefs that are holding you back, now is the time to address them head on. Stop letting them fester while keeping you awake at night and preventing you from taking action toward your big goals in life.
Below is a process that I use with clients to identify, assess, and eliminate self-limiting beliefs.
How to Overcome Self-Limiting Beliefs
1. Understand Self-Limiting Beliefs
The first part of overcoming self-limiting beliefs is to identify them, understand their impact, identify their source, and assess their validity.
Identify Self-Limiting Beliefs: Many of us have beliefs that are so deeply engrained that we don’t even know they exist. To help uncover them, start to listen to the negative thoughts in the night or those that emerge as you debate taking on a new project, job, or just trying anything new. What negative thoughts pass through your head, even for just a moment? Those are the self-limiting beliefs that are getting in your way and need to be squashed.
Understand the Impact and Magnitude of Your Self-Limiting Beliefs: Now that you are aware of your negative beliefs, reflect on how they are currently getting in your way or have impacted you in the past. What promotions did you pass up? What new opportunities did you say “no’” to out of perceptions related to your readiness, capabilities, or experience (or what your resume said or didn’t say). How much time did you waste putting things off because of these negative beliefs? My guess is the sum of time lost and missed opportunities is significant! This is the personal cost of self-limiting beliefs.
Identify the Source of Your Self-Limiting Beliefs: Next, search for the source of the belief. Was it a seemingly innocuous comment from your past, a commonly held belief of your family or social circle, or the perception of a past experience? Getting to the source of the belief is key to eliminating it.
Assess the Validity of Your Beliefs: Self-limiting beliefs tend to get easily rooted in our conscious and subconscious and are rarely challenged. Flip the script and assess the validity of the self-limiting belief that you are carrying with you. Are there facts to support it or is it the perception or opinion of a friend, family member, or work colleague (Warning: it is most likely you!)? If it’s based on mere conjecture and not facts (Hint: Most likely it’s not), it’s time to put this belief behind you so that you drop the negative anchor and unlock your potential. Ask yourself, “What if it weren’t true?” and consider what you could achieve if you can walk away from this belief.
2. Eliminate Self-Limiting Beliefs
Once we understand what they are and where they come from, the next step is to eliminate any festering self-limiting beliefs that are getting in your way. Below are a few tactics to do so.
Develop an Alternative Belief: One way to start to overcome a negative belief is to develop an alternative. For example, I started to think, “I’m a good business writer” and stopped dwelling on struggles interpreting literature given its limited utility in my current work. Other alternative beliefs to consider include, “I haven’t led a team before, but I have been a long-time mentor to many people” or “I don’t have the exact cookie cutter experience needed for the role, but I have a rich tapestry of other, more valuable experience.” Replacing negative thoughts is a key step to beating back self-limiting beliefs.
Constantly Challenge Self-Limiting Beliefs to Keep Them at Bay: Another tip to overcoming self-limiting beliefs is to intentionally challenge them instead of recoiling in fear. For me, it was to post my first blog and to continue blogging to prove to myself that my old belief was invalid. For you, it might be to raise your hand when new projects come up at work or to launch a new product or service despite your lack of experience in that area. Constantly challenging your old beliefs will start to prove they are false and help you move beyond them.
Try a Mantra: Daily mantras or affirmations are another way to move past your self-limiting beliefs. Repeating a positive statement regularly (before the work day or as beliefs start to bubble to the surface) will help to reset your mind and take the offensive on your negative beliefs. Challenge the belief with statements such as “I am ready” and “I can do this.” Becoming your own cheerleader can give you the boost needed to persist. This is especially true when your manager struggles with compliments or if you are the leader of your team or organization.
3. Keep Self-Limiting Beliefs Dormant
It takes regular, intentional effort to overcome self-limiting beliefs. That same sense of intentionality is required to keep them at bay. Be sure to spend time on identifying and addressing old beliefs that come up as well as new ones to eliminate future roadblocks to your success.
For so many or us, we are the greatest (and perhaps only!) obstacle to our success. Beating back self-limiting beliefs is one important step to getting out of the way of your long-term success and happiness.
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Tackling self-limiting beliefs is one of the chapters in Darren Reinke’s book The Savage Leader. For more tips like this one as well as how to learn to become a better leader from the inside out, visit The Savage Leader website to access free tools, worksheets, blogs, and podcasts.