Practical Ways Leaders Can Be More Vulnerable with Their Teams

“Be vulnerable.”

Those are words we hear from authors, bloggers, and “thought leaders.” Be vulnerable to express more of who you are, to be more authentic, to connect and engage with your team, and to be a better leader.

While I don’t debate the merit of greater vulnerability, I do think it’s important to acknowledge the challenges of actually practicing it. The path to being vulnerable is lined with self-limiting beliefs and fear. Fear of what we might expose about ourselves. Fear of judgement. Fear of not being the expert we think we need to be. Fear of not being good enough or smart enough.

To help overcome these concerns and to start practicing greater vulnerability, let’s first discuss the reasons for doing so. Then we’ll walk through practical ways to get started. This is the same process we follow in our communications coaching work with leaders to help them better connect and engage with their teams. Vulnerability is one way to improve relationships and interactions with your team.

Below is a CliffsNotes answer to the question, “Why should leaders be more vulnerable?”

Why Leaders Should Be Vulnerable with Their Teams

Vulnerability Shows Humanity: At the most basic level, being vulnerable shows that you are human. Despite some peoples’ best efforts to show their perfection on social media, none of us are flawless. Vulnerability shows humanity and shifts you from a cardboard cutout leader to a living, breathing person who has flaws like the rest of us.
Vulnerability Makes You More Authentic: Expressing our own unique vulnerabilities also makes us more authentic. It’s not just our values, beliefs, and strengths that make us who we are. Expressing aspects of vulnerability will make you more authentic.
Vulnerability Makes You More Likable: While humans are naturally drawn to strength, we are simultaneously drawn to people who are human and authentic. In short, vulnerability can make you more likable.
Vulnerability Engages People: While it’s great to be more human, authentic, and likable, you may be wondering how that will help you become a better leader. Being vulnerable helps engage people by being more relatable created through a shared sense of humanity.
Vulnerability Creates Connection: As a result of each of the items above, leaders will also develop a greater connection with their teams. Greater connection through showing your humanity, being more authentic, and engaging your team.

Now that we have a baseline of the benefits of being vulnerable (and hopefully have the motivation to start practicing it), let’s fast forward to the “how to” as that is the key to unlocking your ability to be more vulnerable.

How to Be More Vulnerable: Practical Ways That Leaders Can Be More Vulnerable

Before we jump to the “how to”, it’s important to keep the end in mind as we seek to be more vulnerable. As we discussed above, we seek to be more vulnerable to show people more of who we are – to demonstrate our humanity, increase our relatability (and maybe even likability), deepen engagement, and ultimately to connect with and inspire our teams.

Many people assume that to be vulnerable is to express their deepest, darkest secrets and insecurities. That is not what we are talking about here. We are not talking about a full “opening of the kimono” type of vulnerability. Rather, we are sharing elements of ourselves to help connect and engage with our teams.

Below are 6 ways to be more vulnerable with your team. They are intentionally listed in order of increasing difficulty as each one requires greater levels of vulnerability.

SHARE YOUR PERSONAL BACKGROUND

We all have different upbringings. Despite those differences, each one provides an opportunity to show vulnerability and to connect with your team. If you came from humble roots, talk about the environment you came from, the people who surrounded you, the situations you dealt with, and how it made you who you are. Or perhaps you grew up in one of the exclusive enclaves of California or the Northeast and faced different challenges. Pressure to succeed. Pressure to live up to your potential. Pressure to do better than those who came before you. Regardless of your upbringing, the main point is to share your experiences, what you learned from it, and how it forged your path as a leader. The key here is relatability. Perhaps your team member didn’t share the same upbringing, but they can relate to the struggles endured and the lessons learned.

SHARE HOW YOU OVERCAME SHORTCOMINGS

None of us are perfect. We have towering strengths and weaknesses (I prefer calling these areas of development). Sharing one of your development areas can express vulnerability and create a greater connection with your team. Perhaps it took you longer to learn a key technical skill or to overcome a low GPA in high-school. Like with sharing your background, the key point is relatability.

EXPLAIN HOW YOU PERSEVERED IN THE PAST

Another way to be vulnerable is to talk about an experience from your past where you had to persevere. Perhaps you endured a series of business missteps or survived a terrible boss and toxic culture. Stories of perseverance show more of who you are and what you have gone through. Be sure to share the thoughts, emotions, and frustrations you experienced and don’t skip from problem to solution. It’s what happened in between that shows who you are and makes you relatable. But this isn’t an opportunity to brag through veiled humility and vulnerability. To help avoid doing so, focus on stories that show more of who you are and where you’ve been. Not just your big accomplishments. Remember the point is greater connection and engagement.

SHARE PAST SELF-LIMITING BELIEFS

We all have beliefs that hold us back. Beliefs rooted in our upbringing and family values, innocuous comments from teachers or former bosses, and our experiences growing up. Beliefs such as, “I only went to a lower-tier college”, “I’m not experienced enough”, or the particularly damning “I’m not good enough.” Overcoming self-limiting beliefs is a tough task, but showing both your past beliefs and how you overcame them shows vulnerability and creates connection and engagement with your team.

TELL A STORY OF FAILURE

Another way to connect and show vulnerability is to talk about a past failure. As you describe the failure, be sure to provide the story of what happened, what you learned, and how you have applied what you learned moving forward. Perhaps you were part of a failed start-up, were fired from a previous job (yes, successful people have been fired), or missed the key launch date of a product. Share those stories to show vulnerability and to create connection. This example requires greater comfort level with vulnerability and skill in sharing, but it also offers a tremendous opportunity to forge a stronger bond with your team.

SHARE YOUR THOUGHTS ON THE FUTURE

The last example of being vulnerable is to share your thoughts on the future of your team or organization. For some, this might not be the most difficult way to be vulnerable, but for others it surely is. Acknowledging uncertainty about the future shows that your head isn’t in the sand and signals to your team that you are being realistic about what comes next. This one can be tricky however, as leaders do need to brim with confidence about the organization’s ability to deliver on its mission and vision, overcome adversity, beat back new challengers, and to adapt to marketplace changes. Use uncertainty as a matter of probability as opposed to doubt in your company’s ability to succeed as a way to balance vulnerability (and reality) with the imperative to show strength and confidence, especially during tough macroeconomic cycles.

NEXT STEPS

Vulnerability is a topic for self-aware leaders who understand that humanity is the key to connection. None of us are super heroes and vulnerability is an act of authenticity and more importantly, a way to engage and connect more deeply with your teams.

Try one or more of the methods above and watch as the relationships with your team deepen and engagement soars.

ARE YOU READY TO IMPROVE YOUR COMMUNICATION SKILLS?

If you are ready to take the next step to express vulnerability and improve your communication skills, schedule time to discuss our one-on-one communications coaching or consider enrolling in our Communicate Like a Leader online course. If you are looking to improve the communications of your entire team or organization, take a look at our Results through Relationships training course.